Squirrel Story

[previously posted elsewhere]

I have been thinking about writing this story down for a long time. Even before I turned on the computer, I asked my sister if it was too embarrassing. Of course she said no. So I'll start by telling you that every word of this is true. This really did happen.

It all started early one beautiful summer day at 6 am. The sun had been up an hour (it was Duluth, Minnesota, after all), and I was still dreaming about the fun I'd have sleeping late. But something woke me up. It was the clumsy sound of something in my bathtub. Through the open bathroom door I could see the plant I have sitting by the tub, but there was a furry animal head looking around the ivy leaves.

"That is not a furry animal head," I mumbled to myself, and I closed my eyes and started to doze off. Then I realized I don't have any stuffed animals by the bathtub, and no small children to leave stuffed animals lying around. I screamed very loudly, jumped up and ran around on top of my bed. He jumped when he saw me do this, and I ran screaming out of the room to the other end of the house to my living room.

I spent a few seconds trying to decide if I could manage to perch on the back of the couch or would I be as safe cowering in the seat cushions? Would that be good enough? I grabbed a pillow and decided I preferred to sleep. I was safe for the moment, but what could I do? Which of my friends should I call? My boss was out of town, although I knew he would have some way to trap the critter. As I ran down the list, I couldn't think of anyone. Then I looked back towards the kitchen and there he was!! He had followed me into the living room. OK, so maybe I can perch on the top of the couch. He began running around the couch, and I screamed loudly several times before throwing the pillow at him and running into the kitchen, but where should I go from here?

I decided to grab my phone from the table and run out the door onto the deck (in my pj's, of course). So there I was, sitting on the edge of my deck at 6:10 am. I thanked God that it was June since almost any other month could mean several feet of snow. I called a friend on the east coast. "I have a squirrel in my house!"

I could almost hear him rolling his eyes. "Um, I would love to chat, but I have a meeting with some architects, he told me in the most understanding way. Corey can probably help you." Well, what did I expect? He lives in Florida. He laughed loudly as I explained and he even shared it with his business partner.

I looked in the storm door and I couldn't believe it. The squirrel was sitting on his haunches looking at me through the window in the door. My friend laughed loudly and said he'd catch up with me later. I told him thanks for the moral support, anyway. Great. Very funny. Now what do I do? I decided to scream at the squirrel again to see if he would just run away. The neighbors can't sleep all day anyway. I guess he decided to stay away from me and ran further into the house. I got up my nerve and dashed into the kitchen and jumped up on the table.

By the time the kids got home that afternoon I had climbed down from the table, but the squirrel was still loose in the house. I told them the story and explained that they should look out for a small squirrel running around, but he didn't show up that evening.

The next morning we woke to hear something moving behind the clothesdryer, and my younger son, Stewart ran out of his room. He was twelve at the time and my older son was 14. The squirrel ran out from behind the dryer, jumped up on the hanging rack I had filled with damp clothes the day before and ran up to the top, where he stopped for a moment to get a good look at us. We were surprised and a little amused because we didn't know what to do. He was small and auburn colored - a red squirrel. They are infamously aggressive.

I had to go to work, and the boys went to school. When I got home from work a few hours after they arrived from school, they raced to tell me the story. Jeffry got home first and heard the squirrel under his dresser. He decided to try to get him out so he used different things including a piece of cheese on a string and a microphone stand. I commended him for his efforts but asked him "What would you have done if he ran out?"

"He did run out and into your room to hide in your closet," he told me.

Then Stewart told me the rest. Later he had arrived home and fixed a snack in the kitchen. When he walked down the hall he heard splashing in my bathroom. He looked in and there was the squirrel swimming in the toilet!

"Actually drowning is a better word. He was stuck," Stewart told me.

I was surprised he wasn't soaking in the tub with bubbles. When they saw the squirrel's predicament, my kindhearted young men ran for the broom and a bucket. They extended the broom to the little squirrel and he clutched it for his life. He climbed onto it and they put him in the bucket and covered it with a towel. They gave him some cheerios and took him outside. With the bucket on its side eventually the little squirrel crawled out and laid in the sun. After he rested a bit he ran off.